In basement, February 9, 2012
The unanimous declaration of personal freedom from terribly made video games.
When in the course of gamer events, it has become necessary for one person to sever all ties one has with the virtual world. Xbox and PS3 no longer can trample my rights as a human being nor allow my credit card information be stolen off their unprotected servers.
· For games where you can’t look down the barrel for long-range sniping
· For levels where even on normal you cannot possibly defeat the boss waiting for you in the end
· For video game companies and designers who justify charging sixty dollars plus a surcharge when you pre-order a game that will last you a measly six hours of campaign paying time.
· For games that only last six hours in general
· For AI that are so predictable you could sneak around the entire map without firing a shot
· For gamers who play for days at a time on online multiplayer and then make fun of your poor kd ratio because you have a life
· For teammates who wait for you to die instead of reviving you because they want to steal your health pack and gun upgrades.
· For having to constantly purchase Microsoft points and Xbox live at a criminal cost
· For PlayStation’s hour long game and system updates
· For games co-op is limited to online
· For multiplayer that is limited by the number of consoles
· For fast-paced shooters games that don’t let you use a knife or a quick-draw pistol.
The injustices are many; the benefits nil. I have suffered under the yoke of video gaming long enough. Gone are the days of passionate playing where the excitement is raw, the terror encompassing. No longer do I daydream in class about the wonderful world streaming through my fingertips. So from this day forth, let all the loading screens know that gamer tag Tme2D1E has perished. A new age of the gamer has risen like the winged phoenix to the epitome of gaming systems….Nintendo 64.
Lame sauce, I feel like you should have ACTUALLY written it out.
ReplyDelete