My fellow Americans,
I stand here today behind bullet proof glass, trying to prove I am just an average guy. This is why I have not released my financial records. I cannot tell you my address, because I have so many houses, and a yacht so large that I have to pay seperate property taxes on it. After this speech, I am willing to sign some of my books for a hefty fee. Thank you for electing me to this great honor of representing America as my ketchup company is flailing under my predecessor's economic plan. I am fully prepared to lead this nation into battle with my MBA and law degree from Harvard. I feel like no work experience is the best expierence. As your commander-in-chief, I am able to talk the enemy to death at the peace table. I have traveled the world but done nothing in Congress to affect it. My seven children love me and so should you. My countless ex-mistresses may disagree. Listen to me very carefully: the buck stops in my wallet. I have been told that America is becoming a consumer nation. We can not let the world down. We must emulate the world's perception. We are America.
And in closing: America. Your Welcome.
Absolutely loved this, it's hilarious! Loved your use of sarcasm this was great to read. "I feel like no work experience is the best expierence. As your commander-in-chief, I am able to talk the enemy to death at the peace table. I have traveled the world but done nothing in Congress to affect it. My seven children love me and so should you" <-- Favorite part haha
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